Pain is inevitable, but Suffering is optional

• November 5, 2024
• by Alphoncy James
• in General

What causes pain?

Losses: eg. death of a loved one, loss of a job, a home, relationships, a health illness for yourself or someone close. 

These are all big life events!!!!

With each of these life events, emotions of fear, sadness, guilt, shame, anxiety, and/or frustration can be appropriate responses.

Painful life moments are bound to happen. They are a temporary & natural part of life.

• Pain is external. We have no control over it.
• But, Suffering? When our pain starts ruling us that’s when it becomes suffering !!!!
• So where does the suffering come from? From us!!
• We create it!!! Suffering is not meant to be a part of our life.

Negative thoughts grow inside us, whenever we resist reality.

• “Oh, I can’t!!!”
• “Why me!!”
• “Why did this happen to me!!!”
• “Why did he/she treat me like this!!!”

Outcome of Negative Thoughts

• *From a hurtful experience, negative thoughts may start ruling within. You may even start thinking and rehearsing your precise words, actions, and response back- that’s pure suffering!!!!
• *The more you think about it, the more intense the feeling becomes. You become more angry or upset, each time you think about it. You re-live it. And you continue to suffer because you don’t let go.
• *Ruminate- Constantly replaying the negative aspects in your mind, means they greatly increase. These deep negative thoughts can make us miserable.

For example:

Alcoholism is a chronic pain event in our families. But your mental suffering comes from a chain reaction within!!!

Chronic pain leads to negative thoughts & negative self-talk. This leads to more frustration,  anxiety, fear, sadness, depression, hopelessness & stress. 

Sadly, the pain & symptoms intensify, leading to even greater suffering.

When we don’t accept reality, we struggle resulting in even more suffering. We have 2 simple choices in front of us:

• Accept what’s happening as part of life & release the suffering.
• Hold on to it, create more suffering & stay miserable

I have experienced lots of life losses: husband, relationship, social life, finances, etc. But there’s something that no one could ever take away from me:

That’s my choice of how I respond to my pain!

Here are some techniques to free ourselves from our suffering:

1. Relaxation techniques (Google them!)
2.  ⁠Start writing or journaling (instead of overthinking/re-thinking)
3. ⁠Acceptance: 
   • recognize that pain is natural 
   • it’s my choice how I respond to the pain 
   • focus on healing (not on suffering) 
4. Mindfulness:  focus on the present (not on your thoughts & emotions) 
5. Resilience: building inner strength & coping mechanisms to help you bounce back. With this small, conscious, and consistent decision, you will become strong, powerful, and graceful! 
6. Perception: have a broader perspective on your problem (don’t attach unnecessary meaning to it). Reframe your thoughts, by applying lessons learned from past life challenges. 
7. Self-compassion: treat yourself with kindness, compassion, and understanding during difficult times. 
8. Create or become part of a trusted support system. 
9. Practice gratitude: Name your blessings daily. 
10. Set realistic expectations
11. Focus Only on what you can control (You!)

Suffering can be modified when we choose to respond differently to our pain. Recovery from any life challenge is gradual, and progressive & it’s an ongoing process.